Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
