Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
