Kareoke will never be a sober sport
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
