hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
