It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
