quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
