Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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