bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
