The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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