she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
