i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
