omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
