I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
