your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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