the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
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I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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