the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
