Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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