I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
