i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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