I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
