i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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