i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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