it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
