Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
areolas are like halos for boobs.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
