Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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