theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
