i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize