omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
