I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
