dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
