rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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