Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
