Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
