i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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