yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
