Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
