I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
do herpes really smell.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
