conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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