i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
