this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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