what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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