there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
