I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
