I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
