He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
