never play flip cup with pint glasses
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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