Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
