I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
