I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
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I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
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What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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