sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
