Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
