The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
