his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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