There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she told me i tasted like america
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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