it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
