The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
