my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My balls are so social today.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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