Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
