No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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