I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
