I want to stick my p in your. b.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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