still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
