Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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