shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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