I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
