whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
