note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
