Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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