Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
