the condom got lost in my hair
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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