I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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