try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
