Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
