im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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