Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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