ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
