Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
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Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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